And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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