You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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