i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish my penis had a tongue
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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