Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
ttyl tear gas
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
