I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
