I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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