my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
