Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
