goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
