this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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