Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize