The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm at about main and main street
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
