you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
