mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
