Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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