I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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