ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
