Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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