A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
