that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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