my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
be right there i have to get my cape
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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