Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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