Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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