u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How does one acquire holy water?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize