omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Me too!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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