I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
