You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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