Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize