So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
