Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
