Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
