You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
