Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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