I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
