What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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