My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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