I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
