Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize