So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
