if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
