dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
