also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
