She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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