I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
