Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
