eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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