Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
