im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
