There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When are your genitals available?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
