Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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