His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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