You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
