Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
