don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
