So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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