My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
