the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
