Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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