Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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