plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
