It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
