we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
