Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
