i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
