i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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