If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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