I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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