my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
