Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
well you can't waste a boner
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
