If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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