i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
