he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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